I’ve done this hundreds of times but the feeling is the same. The Swedes call it “resferber.” I sit in the driver’s seat of my car, looking into dark woods, down the trail as far as I can see in the very early morning light. My thoughts vary.
I hope the kids are still sleeping and my wife can sleep in, turns to, I hope I’m good enough to crawl out with a broken leg, turns to, I don’t want my kids to grow up without their dad.
These thoughts aren’t unfamiliar. After years working in the security field I’m used to this sort of anxiety but here, looking down that dark trail, I want to know where it leads. I’m excited about it.
I’m confident in my abilities, my mindset is strong, I can power through those hard situations. I have grit and determination and willpower and if that doesn’t work I have a pack loaded with...almost everything I need... I think.
Time to go. No more air conditioning, no more melancholy folk music. Time to go into the woods, alone, on this next adventure. Time to see what I discover on the way, not only about this place my family has lived for generations and the wealth that nature provides, but about me. It’s time to face the vulnerabilities and fears and focus through them, stay goal-oriented because once you’re a few miles deep getting lost in that anxiety isn’t an option anymore. There is only the obstacle and how to overcome.
Resferber, the mixed feelings of anxiety and anticipation before a traveler embarks on their journey. It happens everytime and it's the first challenge to conquer.